In the wake of Charlie Kirk's high-profile killing, cultural analysts confirmed this week that assassination is officially “having a moment,” eclipsing the once-popular mass shooting as the atrocity of choice for today’s aspiring maniacs.
“Mass shootings have really gone out of style,” said one would-be gunman, scrolling jealously through trending headlines. “These attention whores are going for quality when they should be aiming for quantity. Unless you’re trans, nobody cares if you get thirty or forty in a food court. School shootings have literally gone woke.”
Industry observers say the shift was inevitable. “Spray-and-pray shooters oversaturated the market, and their audience was extremely niche—Mostly other aspiring mass shooters and extremists," explained violence trend forecaster Alex Jennings. "But a single clean hit on a controversial public figure? That’s the Labooboo of mayhem right now. Everyone wants to do one, but not everyone can pull it off, and there's a built-in fan base of haters.”
Prospective attackers interviewed expressed frustration that their efforts no longer generate the coverage they once did. “I’ve stockpiled guns, ammo, wrote my manifesto, but my brand’s DOA before it launches,” complained one white nationalist, polishing his AR-15. “Meanwhile, some sexy loner takes out a health insurance CEO, and he’s a household name overnight. The algorithm’s killing us.”
At press time, analysts confirmed that the trend will continue to grow exponentially until some form of meaningful gun control is passed, which is surprisingly looking more likely. "It will probably take a few more Charlie Kirks, a handful of Congressmen, and a member of the Supreme Court, but eventually we'll get there."