LOS ANGELES, CA— After years of accusations about pushing “woke” casting, Hollywood executives came clean Monday, admitting the real agenda was much simpler: they just can’t stand the sight of gingers.
“People think it’s about diversity. It’s not.” said Warner Bros. casting director Lisa Cho, dry heaving as she drove past a Wendy’s. “Want to know why we replaced Annie with a spunky Black girl? It wasn't about representation. It’s about getting those freckled, translucent freaks off our screens.”
Executives across the industry echoed the same disgust. “You ever try to color-grade a natural redhead on film? Or do a daytime shoot with one? They all burn up like an albino in the Sahara,” explained one anonymous Marvel producer. “We learned our mistake with Black Widow and said, 'never again.' We couldn't have killed that character off sooner. Now, we’d rather cast literally anyone else. A Latina? Great. A Black woman? Perfect. A CGI raccoon? Hell yes. But a ginger? Over my dead body.”
The purge has been systematic. Mary Jane, Starfire, Jimmy Olsen, Batgirl, Ariel, April O’Neil—one by one, their iconic red locks were stripped away. “Every ginger character is a ticking time bomb,” said a Disney insider. “If you don't race-swap them, you risk letting some pasty, blotchy daywalker have their moment in the spotlight and god help us another Molly Ringwald-looking motherfucker gets famous.”
Ginger activists say the campaign amounts to cultural genocide. “We’re being erased,” said Brian O’Malley, head of the Red-Headed Heritage Council. “They got rid of Ariel—Actually, can we do this interview inside? I'm burning up here like an albino in the Sahara."
Studio execs, however, expressed no remorse. “We’ve been working for decades on this,” Cho sneered. “The only reason we let Ron Weasley make it through was to make Harry look hotter by comparison. Otherwise, no. We’re done. No more carrot tops, Pippy Longstockings or Ed Sheeran subhumans. It’s over.”
I dated a redhead once. Never again. 🙂↔️Thanks for sharing. 🦋💚
This made me chuckle, your posts always do Kevin. But, I had forgotten about the existence of Pippy, am I anti-ginger?