TOKYO— Engineers at Tokyo News Network admitted Monday they have exhausted every known machine-learning technique to stop their automated nudity filter from censoring President Donald Trump’s neck with a mosaic blur. Sources say the years-long issue stems from the president’s sagging chin wattle consistently being identified as female genitalia with extremely high confidence.
The problem began early last year when TNN rolled out an AI-powered censorship system trained on millions of hours of explicit video to automatically mosaic nudity before it reached broadcast television.
“It’s remarkably accurate,” said chief engineer Hiroshi Tanaka. “The model identifies nudity with virtually zero false positives.”
He paused and cleared his throat.
“Except for Donald Trump’s neck pussy.”
According to internal diagnostics, the AI initially classified what engineers officially refer to as Trump’s “Fatty Under Jaw Area”, or FUJA, as “Mature Vulva (High Confidence).”
“At first we tried telling the system it wasn’t granny porn,” developer Kenji Fujikawa explained. “It simply analyzed Trump’s neck again and reclassified it as ‘the external genitalia of a tired, jaded middle-aged pornstar who refuses to retire and has resorted to increasingly extreme insertion and fisting content.’ That description came directly from the AI.”
He stared at the printout and shook his head. “We honestly have no idea where it got that.”
Since the rollout, viewers have watched Trump’s neck heavily mosaicked during campaign rallies, press conferences, and international summits. The system has also created an unintended media blackout whenever the president appears around children.
“We showed an archival clip of Trump signing the order gutting the Department of Education while surrounded by elementary school students,” complained former TNN producer Rin Yamamoto. “The AI flagged minors and female genitalia in the same frame, immediately shut down the broadcast, encrypted our servers, and forwarded my IP address directly to the National Police Agency Cyber Police Bureau.”
Rin Yamamoto is currently serving a ten-year sentence for online distribution of CSAM. The conviction is being appealed.
The censorship anomaly became even more severe during a recent G7 summit, when the mosaic expanded to cover Trump’s mouth as well.
“That was my mistake, and I take full responsibility,” Tanaka said before offering a deep bow. “I instructed the model to rotate the president for additional context.”
He looked down. “Unfortunately... it rotated him one-hundred-eighty degrees. It saw those puckered lips just beneath the neck pussy and drew the obvious conclusion.”
When asked about the incident, a TNN spokesperson confirmed that “the butthole lips false positives were resolved within forty-eight hours.”
Engineers now believe the core problem lies in the AI’s overwhelming confidence in the POTUS’s Chin of Venus.
“No matter what we do, the AI identifies the FUJA as female genitalia with ninety-nine point nine eight percent confidence,” Tanaka said, staring blankly into the distance. “It has never been that certain about anything.”
Attempts to manually override the classification reportedly produced catastrophic results.
“At first we implemented a universal rule stating that Donald Trump’s neck could not be identified as a pussy. It worked for the Georgia O’Keeffe false positives.”
The engineer sighed.
“The model completely lost confidence that it knew what female genitalia looked like.”
Within minutes, the AI stopped censoring even the most explicit pornography while simultaneously placing mosaics over peaches, elbow folds, English bulldogs, and particularly wrinkled foreheads.
“So we launched the ‘Waddle Analysis Program’, or WAP,” Fujikawa explained. “WAP’s objective was simple: teach the model to identify Trump’s neck as solely Trump’s neck.”
He rubbed his temples.
“WAP achieved the exact opposite.”
The latest build now universally identifies all vulvas as “Donald Trump’s Neck Region.”
“We may have to roll back six months of development,” Fujikawa admitted. “It’s roughly a three-million-yen mistake.”
Researchers acknowledge they’ve encountered unusual edge cases before, but nothing approaching the severity of the FUJA anomaly.
Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket continues to be censored by Meta AI as an erect circumcised penis approximately forty-seven percent of the time.
Stephen Miller’s shaved head still triggers TNN’s AI’s unsolicited dick pic detector.
“We’ve elected not to fix that one, since public testing indicates viewers already identify him as a dick,” Fujikawa admitted.
The issue has become so persistent that engineers have abandoned clinical terminology altogether. Behind closed doors, the anomaly is universally referred to as 首マンコ (Kubi Manko), or simply “Toranpu Nekku Pusshī”
One TNN anchor accidentally used the internal nickname during a live broadcast before issuing a formal apology to Japanese women the following evening.
At press time, Webster’s Dictionary returned our request for clarification on the proper English terminology for Trump FUJA, suggesting “Eve’s Oyster,” an obsolete nineteenth-century term coined by Boston Sailors, defined as “the vaginal equivalent of an Adam’s Apple.”
I haven’t laughed like this in ages. Had to take breaks to catch my breath. Thank you!
I cannot express how happy this article has made me. Serious giggling all the way through.
Although, I personally think TNN’s AI is doing a fine job at blocking images that are it safe for children. (By the estimates in this document.)