Tinder’s parent company Match Group denied allegations that it had quietly transformed online dating into an algorithmically run eugenics program after a leaked internal database revealed hundreds of millions of users have been assigned an attractiveness score between 1 and 10.
According to accompanying documents, the ratings strictly determine which users match and which messages are actually delivered across Tinder, Hinge and several other dating platforms.
“It’d be cruel to show a nine all the messages they get from the fours,” said Match Group Chief Product Officer Evan Mercer, a self-described 7.2. “They’re just going to become discouraged by all the fatty-bo-batties and butter-faces flooding their inbox.”
Under the company’s system, fours primarily receive messages from other fours, sixes match with sixes, and users rated eight or above are largely protected from interacting with what internal documents describe as “uggos.”
Higher-rated profiles are frequently shown to those scored lower and can still be swiped on and messaged, but it is highly unlikely that those interactions will ever be seen.
“We like to give them hope,” Mercer said. “How else are we going to get those mouth-breathing mids to spend $39.99 a month on a subscription?”
Exceptions to the strict matchmaking system are also made for socioeconomic factors.
“A seven can absolutely get with an eight,” Mercer explained. “Hell, if he’s over six feet, makes $150,000 and owns property, we’ll sometimes let him match with a nine.”
He coughed and cleared his throat.
“They won’t actually be able to message the nine. Let’s not get fucking crazy. But we can let him dream.”
Rather than provoking universal outrage, however, the leak has reportedly provided enormous psychological relief to many users who had spent years wondering why online dating seemed inexplicably hostile.
“I’m a 5.3,” said Chicago Tinder user Mark Delaney. “Honestly, it explains everything, and I’ve come to accept that I’m going to die alone.”
Michelle Watson, a widowed single mother trying to get back out there, said she had recently spent three days exchanging messages with a man she considered “easily an eight” before he abruptly stopped responding.
“I thought I was at least an 8.5, but apparently I’m a 6.3 now that I’ve had a child.” She shrugged. “It’s my own fault for reproducing with someone 2.7 points beneath my caste. He had a great personality.”
Match Group employees reportedly refer to the attractiveness scores so often that leaked Slack messages resemble something from a dystopian society.
“I know he’s just an intern, but he’s a hard nine,” one HR employee wrote. “We can’t have him reporting to a six.”
One employee, rated 7.2, reportedly resigned in disgrace after accidentally looking a nine directly in the eyes, apologizing for “sullying her with my unwashed gaze.”
Match Group executives nevertheless defended the system as the culmination of years of sophisticated artificial-intelligence research.
“We started with something incredibly primitive,” Mercer explained. “We’d show people a photograph and essentially ask, ‘Would you fuck that?’ But we never really considered the downstream consequences. After sex comes marriage, then comes an unsanctioned baby in a baby carriage. And the last thing anybody wants is threes making more threes.”
Mercer immediately clarified that this should not be construed as eugenics.
“It’s proactive matchmaking.”
The leaked documents followed the recent announcement of Match Group’s new algorithm, the tenth-generation Meant 4 You matchmaking model, which the company says can predict romantic compatibility, sexual attraction and protect the long-term quality of the dating pool.
Company officials stressed that Meant 4 You does not explicitly prevent users with undesirable characteristics from reproducing. It merely identifies them, restricts meaningful contact between different desirability tiers, quietly intercepts messages sent above one’s station, and completely cuts off access while they’re ovulating.
“We should all be excited,” Mercer said. “The Meant 4 You Gen X model represents the future of human coupling. It has nothing whatsoever to do with eugenics.”
Asked to repeat the model’s name more slowly, Mercer obliged.
“Meant. Four. You. Gen. X.”
There was a lengthy silence.
“Shit. Okay, I hear it now.”