We need to talk about how the Epstein Files Buttfucked the Internet Into a Delirium Machine
A guest essay by John Doe of "Welcome to the Deep Estate."
Hi! John Doe here,
If you’ve cracked open Welcome to the Deep Estate, you know that conspiracy theories are kind of my whole thing. Like, aggressively my thing. And with all the Epstein document chaos bouncing around the internet right now, my brain refuses to shut up about it. Carrie was even kind enough to edit it all so it sounds like a mostly sober, coherent rant.
In 2010, an email between Jeffrey Epstein and Hollywood producer Barry Josephson references Epstein asking Bill Gates, “How do we get rid of poor people as a whole?” and notes that he wants to schedule a call because he’s got some ideas. Now, it would be reasonable to conclude that Barry was just poorly paraphrasing Bill Gates, who is well known for tackling extreme poverty…right?
Oh, you poor, poor, simpleton. No, you would be dead wrong.
Because in another email to Epstein from a redacted sender, whom we can all baselessly assume is Anthony Fauci, it is noted that Bill Gates was running pandemic simulations years before COVID-19. Got chills yet? Good.
That’s right, Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Gates are the masterminds behind infecting the world with COVID-19, killing millions in the name of population control.
Also
Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Gates are the con artists who fooled the world into a lockdown because COVID-19 doesn’t actually exist.
It really depends on which COVID nutbag shows up in your feed. And there are a lot of nutbags in my feed these days.
The massive document dump isn’t just revealing things. It’s letting people custom-build an Epstein that fits whatever narrative they already believe, and it’s got the little Fox Mulder inside my head squinting and murmuring, “Almost as if by design…”
After five minutes on Threads, I feel like I’m going crazy.
Apparently, Jeffrey Epstein is a two-hundred-year-old pedo-adrenochrome vampire formally known as President Andrew Jackson. Also, he’s Banksy or Satoshi Nakamoto, the secretive inventor behind Bitcoin. Jeffrey Epstein is also still alive in Tel-Aviv. And did you know that Jeff Bezos and Epstein groomed Zoran Mamdani as a child? Oh, and see that shredded meat Mick Jagger, Epstein, and Clinton are eating? That’s baby al pastor.
And I swear I only made up one of those allegations. The rest are spreading around the internet like Kuru, the cannibalism related disease, Epstein, and his friends also apparently have.
The wonkiest thing behind all this kooky banana-town jamboree is that the real stories being unearthed in the Epstein files are juicy enough on their own. He’s basically the Forest Gump of “Things that are true, but make you sound insane when you try to explain them.”
I mean, for fuck’s sake, Epstein was actually involved in Iran-Contra.
And while Ol’ Jeff E. isn’t Satoshi, the pedo financier actually had a heavy hand in creating Bitcoin, you know, the hard-to-trace digital currency used by pedophiles. The next time your cousin won’t stop yammering about crypto while sucking on his white gummy disposable vape, go ahead and tell him that 75 percent of Bitcoin’s code was made directly after Epstein’s investments. That will shut him up.
And the nuttiest factoid of all? Epstein also met Christopher Poole, AKA “Moot,” AKA the founder of the internet’s cesspool 4chan. Then, in the very same month the two met, the imageboard dropped the board Politically Incorrect, which would soon become home to QAnon and Pizzagate.
Now, this admittedly is my own crazy conspiracy theory, but let’s sit with this idea for a moment and really think about it:
/Pol/, the birthplace of ‘there is an elite cabal of pedophile adrenochrome vampire lizard people controlling the world,’ was possibly the brainchild of Jeffrey Epstein, a real-life pedophile elite who ran an actual cabal with the richest and most powerful people in the world.
They aren’t vampires. They aren’t eating babies. (They are all Lizard people, but that has nothing to do with this.) No, they were all beneficiaries of Epstein’s homebrewed COINTELPRO infiltration, rumor flooding the nutbags with a widely successful discredit-by-association campaign.
And the end result? Once people associate “elite skullfuckery” with “adrenochrome space cult,” you’ve effectively nuked public credibility for anyone trying to talk about real-world crimes.
The Wild West of the Internet is now just straight-up Westworld. Nobody knows who’s real, who’s fake, or who is actually just three bots in a duster.
What’s disturbing about this tinfoil hat feeding frenzy is that it’s now impossible to gauge its reach, and it’s getting harder to tell what’s real. In the olden days of yore, when your Facebook friends were actually your friends, you could easily spot the crazy bullshit and see where it was coming from.
Now? Every click, every linger, every rage-scroll feeds a machine that just gives you more of whatever emotional poison you engaged with last. It’s all tailored and personalized to you. I genuinely don’t know if the internet is going insane, or if it’s just serving me up a double heaping of crazy. God help those dim normies who don’t see what’s happening.
And now AI has entered the chat.
Bots are serving up bullshit that fits their agenda at alarming speeds, like a fake news articles about Keanu Reeves donating 100K to ICE, when just a day before, it was Millie Bobby Brown supposedly doing the same thing. AI-generated images are circulating and being mixed in with the real content. Did Epstein actually meet MJ? I’d buy it. Is this actually a photo of Stephen Hawking on Lolita Island? Maybe. What about this photo of Jeff E. and Alf? Okay. That can’t be real. Please tell me it’s not real.
What’s worse is that Meta doesn’t seem to give a shit. On Threads, I saw firsthand the dysfunction with a blatantly false post regarding Epstein grooming Mamdani. Because I’m such an upstanding pillar of truthitude, there was a little button asking me to rate a proposed community note. I clicked it, and man, that note? It was beautiful. A perfect short paragraph from a neutral party describing the extent of the bullshit, and linked to a Snopes article about it being bullshit.
I gave it a thumbs up, then received this:
I was dumbfounded.
What differing views do you need on bullshit? Are they waiting for a nuanced take? “Well, Zorhan Mamdani and Epstein did live in NYC around the same time, so it’s only 99.95% bullshit, not complete bullshit.” Is Snopes not good enough to debunk bullshit? Why isn’t this copy-pasted bullshit AI image not getting automatically flagged by some system? They can spot a nipple in a millisecond and blast it out of the water. Pretend it’s a nipple, Meta, and do something about it.
Nope.
A full day later, that post is still up, with 174,000 views. That’s 174,000 people exposed to potentially virulent bullshit… And the supposed vaccine, the community note, remains invisible.
Then again, maybe this is all part of the plan. If you can’t hide the tons of damaging information coming out about the rich and powerful, then don’t even try. Let the internet go wild with it, and don’t correct them when they start spreading the bullshit alongside the truth. Let social media become 4chan, and it will run its own disinformation campaign for you.
Man, we’re just seriously fucked as a species, aren’t we?
John Doe out.